forever yours
by summerethryrissa
Summary: She was his one and onlythey were meant to be and now finally they were together. Yet something was eating away at the back of his mind. A slight feeling of guilt maybe? chapter 3RM please RandR!
1. second thoughts

Disclaimer: unfortunately I don't own the oc. I wish I owned a box set. hint hint

hey guys this is my first fanfic so wish me luck! Okay um im not sure where I am going with this story but I thought I would give it a go. I hope its okay!Thx to Clara CarebearStare 4 helping me out with my spelling gramer ect. plz review!

Our story begins when Newport's coolest teens have just finished there somophore yr. Christmukkah is over and New Years Eve is fast approaching. Seth and summer are back together, Zach is gone and so is Alex. Unfortunately, Ryan is still with Lindsay and Marissa is single.

Ryan sat down to lunch at school by himself. He was pleased at this, that there was no one to talk to him-or talk at him rather. Ryan needed his alone time and when living with Seth Cohen that was sometimes a problem. And then there was Lindsay. Lately she always seemed to be there, talking and not leaving him alone. But this was how it was meant to right? Well she was his girlfriend. Aaargh! So many thoughts where whizzing around Ryan's head. One day it was going to explode. Just as well he had sometime time for himself to think………….

"Ryan!" (okay maybe not) Lindsay plonked herself down in a seat next to Ryan. She gave him a look of anxiousness, waiting for a response.

"Oh, hi Lindsay," Ryan muttered.

Lindsay shifted nervously in her seat. She didn't know what to say to Ryan lately. It just seemed like, he was on another planet or something. The awkward silences where killing her –she had to say something.

"So do we have any plans for New Years Eve?" she asked him hopefully.

"Ah, I heard Summer talking about throwing a party or something."

"O-oh um okay," Lindsay wasn't really into the types of parties summer threw but she couldn't argue with ryan-after all she couldn't not be with him on NYE right?

"If that's what you want to do," she agreed.

"Yeah." Ryan didn't actually want to go but Seth would be there and so would……………..Marissa. He scolded himself for thinking about her. He had been doing that a lot lately. He tried to stop but he couldn't-there was just something about her…..

Marissa leaned forward and opened her mouth wide as she applied thick black coats of mascara to her eyelashes. She was at Summer's place getting ready for the New Years Eve party her best friend was organising.

"Coop, this top or the green one?" Summer asked in a panic. Normally she would have chosen her outfit days in advance but this time she simply hadn't had the time.

"Ummm, I think the green one; it brings out your eyes."

"Thanks Coop, what would I do without you?" Summer glanced at her watch.

"Crap the party starts in an hour, we really should get there to help setup."

So, the girls piled into Summer's new SUV that she had gotten for Christmukkuh. She started the engine and then it stalled.

"Oh my God, I just can't get the hang of this thing," she gasped. But soon enough they were on their way. Summer had started blabbing about something totally irrelevant but Marissa wasn't listening; she was in her own little world. How she wished that she didn't have to go to the party that night. All of these parties were the same. It was all right for Summer, she would have Seth with her for the night. Ryan would be there but he'd be there with… Lindsay. So, that left Marissa all alone. The thought of counting down to the New Year by herself was driving her crazy. However, she had to go-she couldn't disappointe her friend.

Ryan sat on the futon, tying up his black leather shoes. Seth stood in front of the mirror and adjusted his tie so that it sat on the centre of his chest. Ryan was nervous, he wanted to stay home- these parties really weren't his thing He thought back to last years New Years Eve. He remembered Marissa going to Oliver's party without him, and arriving at the party during the countdown to New Years, just in time to kiss Marissa. But his thoughts were once again interrupted by the intruding sound of his phone ringing. Ryan answered it with a slight hello and a familiar voice replied,

"Hey, its Lindsay, um, I was just calling to see what time you were picking me up"

"Uh, how about in ten"

"Okay," There was yet another awkward silence.

"Well I should finish getting ready," Lindsay said.

"Yeah, bye"

"Whoa, that was one of the most interesting, unawkward phone calls in the history of …. Ever" Seth said sarcastically.

Ryan grunted, he wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"Come on lighten up dude its NYE!"

"Uh, yeah, I better get going, Lindsay's waiting. I guess I'll see you at the party." With that Ryan left and once again, and for a sweet 10 minutes in the car, he was alone.


	2. the countdown

Ryan pulled up at Lindsay house. There was no need to beep the horn because she was already waiting outside for him. She opened the car door, got in and gave Ryan a kiss on the cheek. She was wearing a pale pink, knee length dress with a low back. Ryan thought the dress looked familiar. Then he remembered, Marissa had once worn it to a school function while they were dating. He quietly thought that Marissa looked better in it.

"So are we ready for a great night out?" Lindsay said excitedly. She wasn't actually very excited about the party but she was excited about the countdown. She had never spent NYE with a guy before. 'Who knows what will happen when we count down to one!' she thought.

Within about 10-15 minutes they arrived at the venue - and boy was it a sight. Summer and Marissa had done a fantastic job setting up. There were a countless number of balloons and streamers and there was glitter everywhere. The music was loud and there was great food. These girls sure knew how to throw a party. Summer greeted them as they arrived.

"Hey Ryan, oh, hi Lindsay" She said cheerfully. "Only four more hours til new year!"

Ryan gave a smile. He liked summer she was always there for………Marissa. Someone handed them some drinks and Ryan and Lindsay walked in. There were people dancing and mingling in the crowd.

"You want to dance?" Lindsay asked.

"Um, okay" Lindsay pulled him onto the dance floor and brushed up against him. Ryan pulled away and started dancing. Lindsay looked puzzled but started dancing anyway. An hour of drinks dancing and talking passed by and it was tiring Ryan out.

"I'm just going to go and sit down," Ryan yelled over the music.

"Whatever" The slightly drunken Lindsay yelled back. He had no idea she was such a party girl. Ryan found a bench and sat down. He watched Lindsay dancing. She was so caught up in the music he could have died right there and then and she wouldn't have noticed. About 10metres away Marissa surveyed the situation. Now was her chance to go and speak to Ryan.

"Hey" Marissa said as she sat down gracefully.

"Marissa!" Ryan was stoked that she had come to talk to him. They had grown apart lately and they both hated it. Ryan knew it was for one reason-Lindsay.

"So, how have you been?" she questioned.

"Um I've been okay, you?'

"Fine, you wanna dance?"

"Sure" He realised that the whole point of sitting down was to get out of dancing but this was with Marissa how could he pass up this chance?

Once again he was back on the dance floor, typically a slow song came on and all the couples on the dance floor paired up for some partner dancing. Ryan looked at Lindsay, she seemed to have found some random guy to dance with so Ryan took Marissa by the hand and she followed. They were slowly moving with the music and for a moment Ryan was taken back to the old days, before Lindsay, when he and Marissa were together. He closed is eyes and made himself believe that he was there. It felt like he and Marissa were the only two people on earth.

" I love you," he whispered into her ear without realising what he had just said. Marissa froze and so did he. Tears welled up in her eyes,

"You have a girlfriend!" she exclaimed. With that, she ran off.

Shit! Ryan thought. What the hell did I say that for? Had Lindsay seen? Luckily, she was still dancing with someone. Ryan didn't know what to do. Should he go after Marissa? Or should he stay with Lindsay? He did neither. He ran out of the party and onto the beach. He sat down on the white sand and thought. Once again, thoughts were whizzing around his head but this time he couldn't control them he wanted to scream. But he managed to contain his feelings, as most guys do and just stayed sitting staring into the sky.

Ryan looked at his watch it was 11:15. He had 45 minutes before the New Year was arriving. He picked himself up and walked slowly back to the party.

"Where have you been?" asked Lindsay

"Uh, I just went for a walk, that's all." Lindsay gave him a puzzled look. She was losing him and she knew it.

"I'm just going to the bathroom, I'll be back soon" Lindsay said.

Ryan stood there wondering what to do. He decided to go and talk to Seth. He glanced around the room and saw him, standing around, looking bored.

"Ryan! I've been looking for you, what have you been doing all night?" Seth asked.

"Well that's what I'm here to talk to you about, I told Marissa I loved her, I don't know why its just we were dancing and it felt like old times and the words just came out of my mouth."

"Whoa, dude what did Marissa do, does Lindsay know?"

"Marissa ran away and Lindsay was dancing with some random so she didn't even notice anything."

"Haha, Ryan Atwood, for once you were the one who has stuffed up big time."

Ryan looked around the room for Lindsay; surely she would have been finished in the bathroom by now. But instead of finding Lindsay he saw Marissa. She had come back to the party and was chatting to Summer. Ryan approached her.

"Can we talk?"

"Um yeah, excuse us summer."

"Look, Marissa, I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened. The words just came out" Marissa didn't reply. She simply didn't know what to say.

"Will you forgive me?" Ryan asked anxiously. Marissa took a deep breath.

"Of course, I'm sorry too" She leaned forward to hug him and Ryan hugged her back. He was pleased that they were friends again but something still didn't seem quite right.

Lindsay returned and linked her arms with Ryan's. They stood for a second as Summer got hold of a microphone. " Hey guys, I hope you're having a great time 2night. We are counting down to New Year in 5 minutes. I'd just like to remind you that how you spend the last 10 seconds of this year is how you'll spend all of the new year" She turned off the microphone to go and stand with Seth. Lindsay huddled up to Ryan, determined not to let him go. Marissa stood in between the two couples, wishing she was on another planet.

Finally, the time came for the countdown to begin. Everyone started counting from 20.

20

19

18

17

16

Ryan took a deep breath, he assumed now was the time to kiss Lindsay.

15

14

13

He leaned forward, towards her.

12

As he was about to kiss her, he caught eyes with Marissa

11

He pulled away from Lindsay, he didn't know what he was doing but he found himself walking towards Marissa. Lindsay was about to go after him but she decided to let him go, she knew that it would always be a losing battle between her and Marissa.

Ryan got to Marissa, leaned forward and kissed her. She kissed him back.

10

9

8

7

Still passionately kissing, Ryan felt extremely satisfied with the girl he had chosen. He couldn't believe how long it had taken him to figure it out.

6

5

4

3

2

"I love you," Marissa whispered in his ear.

"I love you too"

1………..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!


	3. Forgiven?

Hey guys I'm SO SORRY for not updating! I wasn't sure if was going to keep going with this story coz I thought the countdown was a cute ending but I have decided to keep writing :) Anyway i hope you like it and PLEASE REVIEW!

Disclaimer: I don't own The O.C. (still don't own a box set either - sobsob)

**Chapter 3**

Ryan sighed as he replayed the night before's events over and over in his mind. He was ecstatic about Marissa and he knew he had chosen the right girl. She was his one and only-they were meant to be together and now finally they were together. Yet something was eating away at the back of his mind. A slight feeling of guilt maybe?

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Omg Ris!" The sound of Summer's voice flew through Marissa phone and into her ear.

"Hey Sum -What are you omg-ing about?"

"Hel-lo, You and Chino! Duh! So, are you guys back together?" Marissa blushed as she heard this question and the warm feeling in her chest she'd had since last night grew warmer.

"Um yeah, we are, I think, I mean - He loves me"

"He told you he loved you? – That's so sweet! Wow everything is just so perfect now isn't it? Its finally the four of us again reunited at last!" Marissa laughed at Summer's excitement. They continued chatting for another hour when Summer finally had to go. They hung up and Marissa went to have a quick dip in the Cooper-Nichol's giant pool.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ryan hopped into his car and took a deep breathe. He had to get rid of the feeling of guilt in his mind and the only way to do that was to go and see Lindsay. He had no idea what he was going to say to her but he had never had a way with words.

He pulled up in front of her house, got out of the car and walked to the front door. Before knocking, he took a another deep breathe and finally worked up the courage to knock.Lindsay opened the door and as she saw Ryan-went a pale pink sort of colour.

"Lindsay" Ryan said, trying to force a smile.

"Ryan" Said a shocked Lindsay-She hadn't expected to see him anytime soon.

"Look, I don't have time to talk to you right now, I have to go" As much as she hated to make him go away, Lindsay didn't want to talk to Ryan. She wasn't ready. Part of her wished she had put up a fight against Marissa, to win back Ryan, but the other half was telling her the opposite. Until she figured out exactly how she felt about Ryan she couldn't talk to him. She just needed time.

"I'm sorry, Ryan but maybe we can talk some other time. I cant right now." As she said this she closed the door and Ryan was left standing outside.

He got back into his car, not quite sure that what had happened was good or bad. He needed to talk to her but she wouldn't let him. There had to be another way to apologise her. Email her? Text her? He thought it over in his head and decided that despite being slightly impersonal, sending her a letter would be the best option.

So Ryan sat down and forced himself to start writing………….

_Dear Lindsay,_

_I'm sorry I have to tell you this in a letter but it's the only way I can talk to you._

_Firstly, I'm really sorry about what happened on NYE. I should have controlled myself and I wish I could have expressed my love for Marissa in a more sensitive way. I know it may sound harsh, but it's the truth, and the truth is I love Marissa. I want you to know that I value the time we spent together and the relationship we formed. All I ask now is we remain friends. I enjoy spending time with you and I hope that just because I am with Marissa it doesn't mean our time as friends has to end. Once again I'm so sorry for Nye's events…_

_Yours, Ryan_

He folded the letter up, and out it into the envelope ready for posting. He hoped it would work, and Lindsay would forgive him…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Lindsay woke to the soft lull of a bird singing. She peeped outside her bedroom window and a beautiful, sunny, typical Newport day was presented to her. She got up, had breakfast and whipped outside to get the mail from a small wooden mailbox planted on the front lawn.

She flipped through the letters bill, bill, bill, advertisement-and a letter addressed to her? Lindsay's heart dropped, it was Ryan's handwriting. Before she had time to think about it her handing was ripping open the envelope and yanking out the paper inside. Her eyes quickly read over the page and her heart rose after she'd finished reading. Sure, she should have been upset about the letter; I mean it was like an official break-up letter but Lindsay thought differently…

'He is so sweet! Only a great guy would be that nice' Lindsay thought. The more she thought about it the more she decided she still loved Ryan and the more she thought about loving Ryan, the more certain she became to not to give him up to Marissa without a fight!

A/N Sorry it was a bit short-I'm working on making my chapters longer. Thankyou so much for reading and no matter what can u please review! Thanks,

Luv em xxooxx


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